Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Late Night Asks Why the Orange Chicken Crossed the Road, Jimmy Kimmel said the president treated his photo op at St. John’s Church “like taking your kid to see Santa at the mall.”, Michael Stuhlbarg and Eisabeth Moss in “Shirley.”, The fallout from Trump’s Monday visit to St. John’s Episcopal Church continued on Wednesday. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Secretary (speaking in his personal capacity): Special Assistant to the ‘Force Multiplier’: Submissions accepted via BurnBag Mail or other anonymized email. Why would a draft dodger be allowed to send in the military? In Josephine Decker’s new film, “Shirley, ” Elisabeth Moss plays the iconic horror writer Shirley Jackson as if she were a character in one of her own creepy stories. P. Michael McKinley on the Politicization of the State Department, Top US Diplomat in Jamaica Wrestles With Random People on Twitter. They have no honor, and to hell with them both.’ Buddy, they work for Trump — they’re already in hell.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, referring to Defense Secretary Mark Esper and Mark A. Milley, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it’s lifelong dream of crossing the road. Microphone drop.’” — JIMMY FALLON, “You know we live in crazy times when we’re all agreeing with the guy who once said gay people cause hurricanes.” — JIMMY FALLON, “Here’s when you know you have a problem — you have a problem when even the 600-year-old host of ‘The 700 Club’ is not impressed.” — JIMMY KIMMEL, “Trump has suggested that he might invoke an old law from 1807 to send in active-duty troops to keep the peace. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road? DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Period. GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, Associates of the American Foreign Service Worldwide, Association for Diplomatic Studies and Training, Gays and Lesbians in Foreign Affairs Agencies, Tales from a Small Planet (Real Post Reports), John Brown’s Public Diplomacy Press and Blog Review. DONALD TRUMP: I’ve been told by my many sources, good sources – they’re very good sources – that the chicken crossed the road. © 2008-2019 diplopundit.net. BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. Ask anyone why did the chicken cross the road? BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks. Galileo Galilei: The chicken crossed the road because it put one foot in front of the other and took a sufficient number of steps to traverse a distance greater than or equal to the road’s width. Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told. “It reminds me of the old joke: Why did the defense secretary and the chairman of the Joint Chiefs cross the road? Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. Note that the reason is not because the earth is the center of the universe. OK, let’s get the hell out of here.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL. It’s like putting a vegan in charge of the BBQ.” — JIMMY KIMMEL, TV on the Radio’s Tunde Adebimpe performed “Love Dog” live from home on “A Late Show.”, Wanda Sykes will likely bring some levity to Thursday night’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”. Special 2000 US Election Jokes: SOUTH FLORIDA VOTER : The chickens were clearly confused as to where the dotted yellow line was leading.The only other option was to cross the line, so they did. BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2011, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. “The condemnation of this is bipartisan. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems. What is your definition of chicken? That’s why they call it the ‘other side.’ Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. To me it reads a bit like a time capsule at this point. No little bird gave me any insider information. Follow and receive notification of new posts by email. AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. Can’t you people see the plain truth? But then, this really isn’t about me. The fallout from Trump’s Monday visit to St. John’s Episcopal Church continued on Wednesday — or as Jimmy Kimmel joked in his midweek monologue, “The White House today tried to explain why the orange chicken crossed the road.”, “He treated it like taking your kid to see Santa at the mall: [imitating parent] ‘You got the picture? Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road. is a common riddle joke, with the answer being "To get to the other side".It is an example of anti-humor, in that the curious setup of the joke leads the listener to expect a traditional punchline, but they are instead given a simple statement of fact. A Republican congressional aide, who’s also a veteran, said that Esper and Milley ‘have squandered the moral legitimacy of a nearly 245-year-old institution in a single farcical late-spring promenade. and they will, normal childhood allowing, immediately answer to get to the other side.. Make sure you subscribe and follow my social media accounts to stay updated with the latest articles and news. Aww, @StateDept Sends Official Take Down Request For April Fools’ Day Cable. NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! Take a look at how each of these figures would answer “why did the chicken cross the road,” and have a laugh while you’re at it. VICE PRESIDENT GORE : I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now.I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! Some Rights Reserved. Take a look at how each of these figures would answer “why did the chicken cross the road,” and have a laugh while you’re at it. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like ‘the other side.’ That chicken should not be crossing the road. HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. Oh, great… another jail term. The rest of us could see exactly where you were going — it rhymes with ‘Yahtzee.’ Though not as fun for the whole family.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, Even the televangelist Pat Robertson, Kimmel and Fallon noted, spoke out against Trump’s meaningless photo op, saying it “wasn’t cool.”, “And he knows cool — he’s one of the original muppets.” — JIMMY KIMMEL, “Yeah, he was like, ‘This isn’t cool. Copyright 2018 John Boitnott Business and Consulting, All Right Reserved, San Francisco’s Great New Year’s Fireworks 2010 (Videos), How a TV Show Featuring Lebron James Helped Struggling Cleveland Entrepreneurs, FOX News Uses Photo of Tina Fey For Sarah Palin Report, Russell Brand and His Interesting View Of Fame & Celebrity. "Why did the chicken cross the road?" JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It’s as plain and as simple as that. In 2011, Barack Obama and John McCain were in the midst of their respective election campaigns. Travels With the Pompeos and the Espers: Who Invited the Spouses?
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